If Only
If only I could have built self confidence,
If
only I had the courage to leave,
If only I had known the heartache and
pain,
If only I had not been deceived.
Never once had he given the impression,
To me,
my family, or my friends,
The anger and hate that lay buried,
Just waiting
to unleash and not end.
I was twenty two years of age at the time,
And
my husband was just twenty four,
How well I remember the very first
time,
That he knocked me down to the floor.
All I asked was where his paycheck had gone,
And
why he was so late in coming home,
I explained when it had gotten past
midnight,
That I was frightened from being there alone.
I was stunned when he slapped me across the
face,
And then his fist, when I started to cry,
The first thing I thought
of was our unborn child,
While he stood glaring with rage in his
eyes.
Then almost as quickly as the first blow had
struck,
He knelt down and held me in his arms,
Telling me through tears
just how sorry he was,
And that he'd never again cause me harm.
The next month that passed was a marital
bliss,
And it seemed to be the end of abuse,
Till one day again I felt the
brunt of his rage,
As he screamed that my blouse was too loose.
